Its Time....

This Morning we had a Sunrise Service at church. It was the first of it's kind for my family. We trucked out the door in the very early hours of the morning and got there as the service was ending. Google gave me the wrong address :(  I couldnt help but get a little teary eyed at the privelage of getting up to go worship the Lord when so many across our world would love to have my privelage. After having been so long without the fellowship that my heart has yearned for I find myself seeing things from a hugely different vantage point. I have been blessed with good kindred friends over the years but it has been many years since I have had the privelage of feeling like I was part of a Church family. Having this blessing back in my life, I do my best not to take it for granted.

This morning while at the service, a middle aged lady came over and took her jacket off and gave it to my daughters because they were cold. She also said, "slava Boga" (she was Korean). Translated, it is Praise God in Russian. This simple yet huge act of kindness was enough to make me drop to my knees in humble adoration for where the Lord has us now compared to where we have been for the past several years. She knew that some of my childrens native language was Russian. She then told me a little about her family growing up, as well as how blessed I am to have so many children and then proceeded to tell the girls that it was her gift to them.   God is so worthy of so much. To think of how my heart was growing bitter towards "church" even though we were in church makes me want to fall to my knees in repentance. I am at a true loss for words to proclaim how grateful I am for where the Lord has me now.

Life has provided many opportunities for growth lately. It seems as though the Lord is turning the  page so to speak in our lives. Not leaving the old, but embracing the new.  For this reason, I will be shutting this blog down. I will be making another blog, but for now only a few of those close to me will be invited in. I do remember those who shared with me about paying it forward with a handmade gift, I haven't forgot about you. Actually I have the stuff to get the project going but just need to find the time. You will get your item before the end of this year as promised.  We are praying about when to start the adoption processes again. The Lord has been prompting us that the time is getting closer. For those of you who have followed from RR, you will be able to follow that journey too as soon as we make it all official, via RR FSP page with our blog address.

Thanks again for following along. I pray rivers of refreshing over all you as well, especially those who are going through some really seemingly dry desserts. My heart aches thinking of how you must feel as I can relate to my own recent dessert and the personal longings inside. Be encouraged my friend, God will never leave you nor forsake you. This season too shall pass and when it does, you will be able to see things in ways that you have never before had the eyes to see them.
Trina

I really am working on the posts with Scripture and things we do to save money.

BUT...

GOD HAS BEEN DOING SOME REALLY AMAZING THINGS and I just had to share!!
                                                      
First let me start off my saying life has been challenging for us in regards to church for many years  now. Without going into any details, just let me say that it provided opportunities for us to overcome, realize what it was that was REALLY important to us and either grow better or bitter. If I'm to be 100% honest, in some ways I choose the better way. In other ways I grew well um..... bitter. I hate even writing that but I know that there are tons of others like me who have had some of the same situations.

I have been literally crying out to the Lord for break through. Begging Him to change me, instead of looking for someone else to change. I was really ready to be done with "church", note I didn't say God. I said "church." I grew tired of the building funds for elaborate buildings and the like, the program after program that somehow made their church so awesome, the secrecy of hidden sin that no one else could know of, the thought that somehow because you are saved by grace through faith by Jesus Christ, you are somehow better than those who are not, the idea that if you read something other than a certain translation you were not really doing things the "right" way, if you didn't wear certain clothing, you really couldn't be walking with the Lord with a desire for purity (understand, that I really do dig skirts now that God has given me a different perspective BUT I still rock my shorts and jeans)....the list could go on.

I was talking to a friend the other night and sharing my heart with her about these things. I was telling her how weary I was of all the crap of church. Heck in some circles, because I said "crap" there is no way that I could really love the Lord. Yet, I have been walking with the Lord long enough to KNOW that fellowship in a church body that you are connected to is a vital part of life. Yet, with every church we went to there were core values that seemed to be in conflict. Because we know our why, and our why is based on Scriptural truths, we just try our absolute best not to budge on these areas. I was telling her about literally being laughed at in a church for questioning something that they were teaching, about how my children were literally ignored in an Awanas program (the children literally turned their backs on them), and not just ignored but the other children began talking about man on man sexual relations. I began to tell her about one church that the worship was so disorderly that my husband and I literally thought there was a demonic presence there (and we are from an Assembly of God background). Or the church that wouldn't let us serve unless we signed on the dotted line stating that we thought drinking was a sin (my hubby and I haven't drank in 16 years ,minus 1 wine cooler for me when I turned 21) . Yet, we are not going to be so haughty, arrogant, and ignorant to adhere to that thought processes. At any rate I digress. I was telling her that I was so tired of trusting people because people either seemed to be caught up in performance or they were just were people who hurt me. I cant believe I'm being that honest to complete strangers! Its not that I try and make face with people, its just that I don't let you in on all my inner things unless you can be "trusted." Part of that is wisdom according to Gods Word, the other part is a protective mechanism. Well, she lovingly asked me where in Gods Word, it asks me to trust in human beings. I knew the answer immediately.....NO where. It was as though immediately God started letting me see things from a very different vantage point.

The next day, I purposed that I was going to really spend time in the Word  seeking out until the Lord spoke to me about "church" and the state of my heart. I had been in my Word, but as of late, it had been self-seeking. This day was going to be different. I was going to let the Lord just wash me in His Word. Man oh man. What a difference.

Needless to say, God was speaking some very personal in-depth things in my heart. Things that I needed a reminder of. Things that He has already taught me, but that all the confusion had blinded. He was showing me how strong the spiritual battle was that I had just come through but didn't even realize I was in battle and what was at stake. He was reminding me of all the things He has spoken to my husband and I and how the enemy was after those things. He was after those things because they bear extreme eternal significance. I was refreshed in such a new way. I saw the confusion for what it really was....the enemy doing everything he could to isolate me and keep me powerless. There is power in numbers. Gods Word says that if one of us can put 1,000 to flight than two of us can send the legions fleeing. Yes, my hubby and I are a solid team. Yes, we can make legions flee as well. Yes, Jesus name is all that it takes to banish the powers of the enemy. BUT, we both can grow weary at the same time and that is where the enemy can have a hay day. This is why I knew that we had to be in fellowship somewhere. This way there would always be someone we could lift up and serve to get our eyes off our own selves as well as have others minister to us. Yes, I am a mother to many and I serve my children on an every day basis. BUT, there is something about serving those that you "don't have to" serve.

Well, after this time with the Lord, I made up my mind that I was going to find a place to serve and be served.(and yes being served is Scriptural as long as you don't go seeking for others to serve you. a natural reaction of genuine fellowship is serving one another) God so clearly led and orchestrated. (after being in the wilderness for so long and searching) I listened to two churches online. One was not at all what we desire. The other was worth going in and seeing what God would have to say about it.

Friends, I knew that I knew that God was onto something. God has been speaking something to my heart and upon going to this church, I had many, many confirmations about what God was saying. To top it all off, there is a mother and daughter there from my children's birth country who was over the moon ecstatic to meet them, cook for them, teach them their language. We had someone come and pray a blessing over us that felt like the Lord was telling her to pray specific things. Things that were what the Lord had been speaking to my heart. She prayed that abundant provision would flow over us and that our weary souls would receive refreshing. (note, I knew NO ONE in this church, so this could only be God) Friends, since she has done this we have went out twice and had the manager tell us that we didn't have to pay our bill. Not because anything was wrong, but just because the Lord was using them as a vehicle to bless us. I'm honestly a little beside myself as it has been a very long time since we have been loved on so tenderly. I have had a couple of  good friends love on me but not in corporate fellowship in years!!! And not because we weren't involved in the church.

Any who, I'm so excited about what God is doing. He is showing me the err of my ways.  He is showing me that regardless of how I feel, I must always have myself in fellowship. He is showing me that not all churches are just bodies doing alot of stuff but instead are really being the church. He is showing that people are worthy of love (trust) not because they will never hurt you but because God is worthy of our love (trust).

Many exciting things happening on this side of our world!!

As a human being created in the image of God, we have many rights. One of the things that my husband and I have come to notice is the confusion of "rights" vs. "privileges."

Over and over again we have come in contact with people who are struggling financially or complaining about not making enough money. Some of those families are genuinely struggling. Some of them are struggling quite intensely but their attitude tells a very different story. One of noticing what they have instead of what they don't have.  Still yet there are others where their story makes me want to have a sit a spell chat with them, but I don't have that type of relationship with them. As well as I really do realize that I don't know all there is to know in dealing with money.

One of the most common things I see that cause financial stress is living way beyond your means or better said spending more money than you actually make.  Its the sickness of not knowing how to say no. Or not having the latest greatest. Or maybe its not having cable, smart phones, cool vehicles, nice new furniture, name brand clothing, bigger house......the list really could go on. I have seen parents send their children to all these classes and activities that there child "had" to attend but they couldn't even pay their bills.

Listen, I'm not being ugly here. I'm not even trying to be judgemental. But, we have a problem when things and status symbols mean more than having an integrity of paying people what you owe them. Whether that is rent, car payments, insurance, lights, whatever.........The necessities MUST come first. Then you work with whats left over for the fun stuff.

Your worth can NEVER be found in things. It can only be found in Christ. When you are able to be content with realizing the blessings He has given you and manage them correctly, that is where true peace and contentment come in. All those things that you must have, when your time comes to an end on this planet, I can almost guarantee you that those will not be the things you are concerned most about. Its the people around you that you will be concerned with. Invest in those things.

My hubby and I haven't always made every "best" financial decision but by Gods grace, He is teaching us more and more how to make the best decisions possible. We have had to make decisions when it just wasn't easy. We very often said no to things that we would have loved to say yes to. But, we knew that Gods word is clear on finances and we wanted to do our best to live like we believed His Word is true. Again, we haven't made every single choice the way that we should have but we did do our best to let our integrity speak through the management of our monies.

The Word is filled with advice on money management. I will share those with you another post. Over the years the Lord has taught me a whole heck of alot on how to manage our money the best I could for our income and family. In subsequent posts I will tell a little about those things and our personally story of choices.

Until then, remember that it is never too late to turn things around. Its never too late do clean up the mess you may have made. You would be surprised at how much better you feel when you live your life on purpose in regards to money. No, its not easy. Your going to have to do hard things and make hard choices but over time, they become like second nature. Years later ,you will be very grateful you made those choices. 

So, I had said that I was going to pick up with the concept of the "American Dream" that I have seen and heard a lot about lately and peoples ideas of it now and peoples ideas of it before the economy took a rough turn.

Let me start by saying, that I don't have a basket of every single life experience out there. In saying this, there are some things that I just cant relate to, no matter how hard I try. The life experiences that I do have however, are ones that would be classed today as the "underprivileged" and the "poor."

Everyone has an idea of what poor is. To some it may mean the lack or the ability to do what they consider the finer things in life. Whether that is travel, shop at name brand stores, eat at fine dining and be members of the country club. For others it may mean living in a neighborhood that is "below" what you desire. And still yet to some it could mean that you drive a car that you would rather not.

 For me it meant no new clothes, just hand me downs and the ones that I managed to purchase myself from babysitting jobs. It meant being too embarrassed to join in alot of the activities at school. It meant pushing groceries home in a cart on a main thoroughfare in town (where all my peers could see me). It meant many times having the lights cut off and the water cut off and on the rare occasion it meant that they were cut off at the same time. Imagine being a  young teenage girl and not having the ability to get "ready" for your day. It was being too embarrassed to have friends over or the boyfriend come to the house to meet the parents and just hang out a while. (There were a few friends who I did trust enough to let into my world, but VERY few. I'm remembering just two.) I recall always having sheets on the windows instead of curtains. I recall not having food in the house on many occasions. I tell my children all the time of the times that I would go and borrow and egg and the lender thinking it was for a recipe but it was really for my dinner. I do know what it was like to be hungry. Starving, no. I never, because of Gods goodness, got to experience that. I always ate something, even if it meant a borrowed egg. I remember being too embarrassed to except free lunch at school and too poor to be able to have lunch money. So, it was either scrounge up the change that we had or take a bologna sandwich (if there was bologna). But, I was too embarrassed to take the sandwich because it stunk horribly after sitting so long. There were times when I would get the full amount for lunch, but those were not often. I remember being so sick and my mother not being able to take off work to take care of me. Nor, did we have medical insurance to take me anywhere. It wasn't often that we were on government assistance just because the system was such that if you actually were trying by having a minimum wage job, you didn't qualify for help, and they would terminate your assistance.

 I could go on and on about how things were when I was growing up but I think that would be over kill. The only reason why I said the things I did say was to squash the idea that my thoughts that I will be sharing were born out of "privilege" in the way that we label privilege. My thoughts are born out of nothing more than life experiences and study of Gods Word.

Until next, have a super great day.

 Its been a while since I have posted. I could write all the reasons as to why I didn't but they have all been heard before from me. Life is life and life is real. And when your not on here regularly it is very easy to get out of the habit of doing.

Recently their have been some things that have got me in a little bit of a tiffy. As everyone else on the face of this planet, I have opinions. Many of which, over the years, I have learned to keep to myself.  However, there is one that I must speak out on.

I have seen many things lately about finances and the American Dream.  I'm not saying that what I saw was bad in and of itself, but it definitely brought some down home experiences in my life front and center and brought up the things that I have learned over the years about money.

Growing up was not an easy peasy task for our household. Suffice it to say we were quite poor and many times I lacked the necessities that one should have in life. I saw the good, the bad and the ugly of such environments (from an American stand point).  All of these things taught me something.

They taught me that come what may, I would choose to never be in that same boat again. God gave me two hands, two feet, two eyes, two ears and one mouth that was fully capable of doing what it took to not have me or my children have to live that life again. By Gods grace, we haven't had to. He has faithfully given us the ability to work and manage what He blesses us with.

This isn't about getting rich, or working so hard that you miss out on the laughter of your children, the smiles of your spouse, the memories that you can never get back in time. This is about CHOICES.  This isn't about waiting for someone else to support me or my large family. This isn't about waiting for 'entitlements' to come to me. This is about doing what God has called us ALL to do in His Word. We are all called to work and called to manage.

For the remainder of this week and the whole of next week, I'm going to be sharing what the Lord has allowed my husband and I to see about money and the management of it. It is going to be about what as a husband/wife team, we see as the 'American Dream.' Our life is greater because we have been privileged to have Gods Word as our guiding example in this.

Until the next post, have a great weekend.

Every Time I Get Complacent.........

The Lord shows me again these truths.

Life isn't about me and my desires. Boy oh boy do I have them. Some of them, I feel like God put there. Some of them are just me and my own selfishness. How can I be so focused on those when I am reminded again that this IS the reality of so many? How can I just walk away and pretend like we have done our "part?" How can I wait for the moment when our nest is empty? How can I think about retirement accounts, savings and the like?

Today my friend Adeye, said it best. Oh, dear Lord, Please! Please give us the courage to face the naysayers! Please give us the courage to look beyond ourselves! Please Lord help us be putting our faith into action! Help us not just give lip service but instead life service..........

Without further ado.
http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/02/if-not-usthen-who.html

A Time For Everything...........

Life has provided me with some opportunities for some deep inward introspection. Introspection is always a good thing when viewed through the lens of Christ. After all, if we don't take time to really examine ourselves and our motives when is our personal growth going to happen? Everyone has a different idea of personal growth. For me personal growth is becoming more like God's Word commands. I can become many of things in this life but if I leave Christ out of it all, I have really lived a bankrupt life.

There are times that I fail miserably at remembering that my personal growth has nothing to do with my pleasures or the things that make me feel comfortable, happy and good. I pray however that when I stand before the throne of the One, True, Holy God that it can be said of me, "well done thou good and faithful servant." I want my life to be spent living and willing to die for Christ. Die, to myself. Die, to my dreams. Die to whatever it is that keeps me from coming to the fullness of submission to my Lord. Not becoming a puppet. But becoming one who realizes that the true Lord of my life is the Lord and not myself. The problem lies wherein the fact that I don't like to be hurt. I don't like when people step on my toes. I don't like when those who are close to me have a different opinion than I do.I don't like when I don't get my way. I don't like when pain knocks on my door and then barges in without my permission. BUT, I am learning that if I REALLY want to be used up by God that I need learn to embrace the pain. I'm not talking allowing myself to not have a voice. Don't allow my words to be taken in a way I never intended them to be. What I mean is that for the character to be built in me that says and really means, "yes Lord, here I am, send me", I cant run from the discomfort. I cant run from the chaos. Instead I need to learn how to dance during the trial. I need to learn to love those who are causing the chaos. I need to learn to care a little less about those with comments that sit in the stands of the peanut gallery. Dance when you feel you have no rhythm. Care less when the comments have the potential to hurt in a way no body can see. Love more intensely, especially when you just don't feel like it.

Recently, I was reading a blog where the writer had a friend say some really ugly things about having so many children. These aren't new comments to me. We ourselves have faced comments from family and friends when we were growing our family. I have found some foundational misconceptions in these thought processes. Entrenched in the idea that somehow if you have too large a family, it is a problem to the world/society, a misdeed against all the children in the large family, the children of the family aren't getting all that they need in regards to time, activities and things, lies foundational Scriptural issues. So, as an unbeliever I understand where some get their concerns from. However, as believers and followers In Jesus Christ, It grieves me greatly that there are those within the Body of Christ that truthfully believe this. To believe this is to say all life isn't precious. To believe this is to believe that God really isn't the Creator of ALL life. Because, if we did really believe this, we wouldn't be so adamantly opposed to the blessing of life that He has created and given to those whom we hurl the accusations about. God is the Creator of life. Sex, is not the Creator of life. Sex is the vehicle in which God created to bring about the environment of creation of life. (no, I'm not saying sex is purely for reproduction of life) The life itself however comes from none other than the hand of God.



Life. It is ALL valuable. It is ALL worthy. I for one am grateful that two of my children's birth mothers knew this. My family will never be the same. I will, with God's help, continue to live my life in a way that shows and not just tells that I really believe that ALL life is valuable. I will, with God's help, learn and practice more everyday the realization that this life is really about me bringing glory to God and not my own desires. May the Lord of Lords and King of Kings renew me from the inside out and give me the courage to live life so purposefully.