Life has provided me with some opportunities for some deep inward introspection. Introspection is always a good thing when viewed through the lens of Christ. After all, if we don't take time to really examine ourselves and our motives when is our personal growth going to happen? Everyone has a different idea of personal growth. For me personal growth is becoming more like God's Word commands. I can become many of things in this life but if I leave Christ out of it all, I have really lived a bankrupt life.
There are times that I fail miserably at remembering that my personal growth has nothing to do with my pleasures or the things that make me feel comfortable, happy and good. I pray however that when I stand before the throne of the One, True, Holy God that it can be said of me, "well done thou good and faithful servant." I want my life to be spent living and willing to die for Christ. Die, to myself. Die, to my dreams. Die to whatever it is that keeps me from coming to the fullness of submission to my Lord. Not becoming a puppet. But becoming one who realizes that the true Lord of my life is the Lord and not myself. The problem lies wherein the fact that I don't like to be hurt. I don't like when people step on my toes. I don't like when those who are close to me have a different opinion than I do.I don't like when I don't get my way. I don't like when pain knocks on my door and then barges in without my permission. BUT, I am learning that if I REALLY want to be used up by God that I need learn to embrace the pain. I'm not talking allowing myself to not have a voice. Don't allow my words to be taken in a way I never intended them to be. What I mean is that for the character to be built in me that says and really means, "yes Lord, here I am, send me", I cant run from the discomfort. I cant run from the chaos. Instead I need to learn how to dance during the trial. I need to learn to love those who are causing the chaos. I need to learn to care a little less about those with comments that sit in the stands of the peanut gallery. Dance when you feel you have no rhythm. Care less when the comments have the potential to hurt in a way no body can see. Love more intensely, especially when you just don't feel like it.
Recently, I was reading a blog where the writer had a friend say some really ugly things about having so many children. These aren't new comments to me. We ourselves have faced comments from family and friends when we were growing our family. I have found some foundational misconceptions in these thought processes. Entrenched in the idea that somehow if you have too large a family, it is a problem to the world/society, a misdeed against all the children in the large family, the children of the family aren't getting all that they need in regards to time, activities and things, lies foundational Scriptural issues. So, as an unbeliever I understand where some get their concerns from. However, as believers and followers In Jesus Christ, It grieves me greatly that there are those within the Body of Christ that truthfully believe this. To believe this is to say all life isn't precious. To believe this is to believe that God really isn't the Creator of ALL life. Because, if we did really believe this, we wouldn't be so adamantly opposed to the blessing of life that He has created and given to those whom we hurl the accusations about. God is the Creator of life. Sex, is not the Creator of life. Sex is the vehicle in which God created to bring about the environment of creation of life. (no, I'm not saying sex is purely for reproduction of life) The life itself however comes from none other than the hand of God.
Life. It is ALL valuable. It is ALL worthy. I for one am grateful that two of my children's birth mothers knew this. My family will never be the same. I will, with God's help, continue to live my life in a way that shows and not just tells that I really believe that ALL life is valuable. I will, with God's help, learn and practice more everyday the realization that this life is really about me bringing glory to God and not my own desires. May the Lord of Lords and King of Kings renew me from the inside out and give me the courage to live life so purposefully.
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